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Something I struggled with too...

I never wore one till I was 12 /13 I think, right after my sisters birthday. I wore it a few times trying to adjust with my everyday outfits, spending ages looking in the mirror trying to geta feel for it ...Till I finally wore it all week long. I bought into the hype , 'only your future husband should look at you'. I remember the pearl analogy too...Everyone around me started wearing one and I felt left out (as if I was the 'bad one; the Muslim that went astray).


The hard part was wearing one around relatives and family friends. even though the reaction was good I still felt different. You receive a lot of attention, a lot...Suddenly they treat you like a pious representative of Islam, in some ways you are..
Even though nothing has changed you still feel different...


At first you feel special...You even feel closer to the deen..You even start repeating certain things unknowingly from what some scholar had said....I wore it by choice so I never had to defend myself when I was asked "why do you wear it?" Soon you feel the added pressure, anything you say or do is under the spotlight. Even people you don't know start lecturing you..
After a few years I started to struggle. then it took me a full two years to finally take it off...Mentally I felt drained ..How will I respond to the questions..
Why did I take it off? Did someone say something? Have I lost my way? I found it more awkward conveying myself to those I had convinced why I wear one, rather then those who knew me..It began from there really...